Wednesday, May 11, 2005
1:27 pm<--doesn't it look ominous?
`
In Honor of Stupid People
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
[the sentences in these brackets are my own comments.=D]
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
[who's stupid enough for that, i wouldn't want to risk killing a sweet dream!]
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
[yes, a winner! but crap, bail me out first!]
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
[is it a bar of soap or a dial of soap?]
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
[nevermind, that would be too troublesome. i shall just eat it like that!]
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well,...duh, a bit late, huh!)
[what about inside out!]
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
[to cool after heating put back into freezer.]
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
[duh, it'll take the shape of my body, right?]
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
[it's okay, what matters is i just sleep..zzz]
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
[so you're trying to say, we can't use it on doors?]
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
[whats the other use?]
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
[no, marbles.]
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
[marbles, i said!]
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
[how does superman fly then? OH! is kryptonite the base material??]
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
[does it come with the superman costume?]
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
[can i have just ONE go, please?]
right, now back to mugging...
its been two days and im missing u already
never really thought you could mean
so much in such a little time
the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
